Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
