I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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