I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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