dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
