D3 body, D1 cock
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
