I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We don't watch enough power rangers
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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