Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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