You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
