I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we're making bets on your personal life
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
