Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize