: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
