Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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