I love black thongs
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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