People in love make me want to vomit
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
