Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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