So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
