Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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