I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
