What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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