When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
