At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
