when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
