Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
