I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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