As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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