I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
