I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize