ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Buhtt sex?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
