she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
