I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
