I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
