I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
