So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
