In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
