i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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