It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
