We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
