I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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