i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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