I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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