No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
