Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
