is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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