I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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