I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
