Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
