all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize