i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
