Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
