yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
