So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
