Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
