Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
