I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
