she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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