I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
