I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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