Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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