I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
