If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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