I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
