wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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