you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
