As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize